Tiktok in the rescue

Linda Loran, a mother of three, abandoned an abusive relationship with the help of social media, DW said. Now she tells her story in Tiktok.

With her legs crossed, in beige kittens and pants, Loran sits upright on a stool and smiles as he reads some of the sexist hate comments under the Tiktok videos: “You weigh 50kg and your bags weigh four times more than your brain.” The audience explodes in laughter.

Loran is a visitor to a version of Talks Monday, a series of feminist conversations held at a bar in the Neukölln Berlin neighborhood. In the evening he is organized by activist Tiktok Alina Kuhl. The other four speakers are Tiktokers. The room is full of capacity. People are pushing in the corridors to hear women.

Just as in Tiktok videos, Loren talks about why so many people stay in unhappy and abusive relationships. In the videos, she also re -examines painful episodes she spent with her former partner, gaining all sorts of reactions – including many hate comments.

Loran began sharing in Tiktok three years ago the experiences of abuse and humiliation she suffered under her former partner, from sexual assault to physical violence. “I think more women should talk about their experiences, because silence only protects the perpetrators,” he points out.

You feel like ‘one mom’

Sharing her story with DW a few hours before the feminist panel, Loran says she had big dreams in her youth: “I wanted to travel and make a career.” But everything changed when she became pregnant at the age of 19, just before the high school was over.

“I did the levels A with a baby,” says Loran. Somin nights, then school the next morning: “I sat in bed with my son at night and shouted,” the 31 -year -old recalls. She has just received any support from her partner and her family, nor from her rigorous, conservative family with whom she had little contact, having left the house – where she was often hit – at the age of 15.

Loran, who now has three children, explains that the abuse of her former partner gradually began: “It started with insignificant things, such as lack of support during pregnancy and with children.” She accused her of working very much instead of taking care of the children and tried to control her financially. At some point, she started stealing money from her, hiding her wallet or her keys.

Physical violence began after the second pregnancy, when they argued: “twist weapons, pushing and so on,” Loran recalls. She repeatedly had sex with her against her will: “There was no saying no,” says Loran.

“And then there was the argument just before Christmas 2017,” he recalls. Instead of appearing as scheduled at noon to help prepare for Christmas, he returned home at 9pm completely drunk, unable to walk, vomiting all over the house. Things exploded in the race that followed.

Loran was pregnant with their third child, a daughter, but that did not prevent him from pushing her home. She threw her, twisted her hands, drowned, offended her and threatened to kill her. He then dragged her with a foot to the lab, where they were locked both in and told Loran to take his life. As in a fever dream, then confessed his love for her, while the eldest son asked his father not to kill his mom.

The next day, Loran’s abusive partner obviously could not remember anything. Desperate, Loran turned to his family. She told her mother what her son had done. “Her only reaction was to ask if I was sexual with him quite often,” says Loran.

“I was there, at 25 years old, pregnant with my third child. I was really wondering if it was my mistake that my partner was aggressive to me,” Loran says.

Social media support

He then found videos on Youtube from other single mothers with similar experiences. “These videos gave me courage,” he says.

Loran decided to separate. Set herself a deadline: after parental leave. But fears stayed in the back of her mind – stigmatized as a single mother, struggling to get out and have her children grow up without a father.

“I grew up without a father and wanted to offer my children greater stability, both in terms of family and financially,” he says.

She had long felt isolated from her environment, says Loran. She only saw her friends once every few weeks. But he found support through social media.

One and a half years after her decision, she broke in 2019. In the following years she began to study, initially with the support of her former partner.

She also started telling her story in a video at Tiktok. Today, the Tiktok channel has become another source of income alongside its work in a supermarket.

For Loran, Tiktok is a place where you can tell your story and find out from others at the same time. Only through Tiktok did he know the obstacles that other people faced, such as women of color. Tiktok also showed her that she is not alone in her story.

Now Loran shares her experiences in a feminist speech at a bar in Berlin and can only laugh at the comments of hate on the internet. A woman in the audience asks if she has ever thought about stopping due to bullying in Tiktok. Loran does not hesitate before answering: “If only one woman sees my content and manages to get rid of an abusive relationship, then I will continue.”