I’m in love with someone, but my parents are pressuring me for a cousin marriage. Please help!

Dear Haya,

I feel emotionally overwhelmed, extremely confused, and need some honest guidance on what I’m dealing with. My parents, especially my mother, want me to marry my cousin.

For context, earlier I was in a relationship with someone who betrayed me and after that episode, I promised my parents that I would only focus on my studies. But after a while I was approached by someone else who took our future together seriously and has even told his family about us. However, there are cultural differences between us, which may not be acceptable to my family. Another issue is that I will be graduating soon and still have three semesters.

I haven’t talked to my parents about him yet, but there’s no way I’m marrying my cousin. As my graduation approaches and our life stages are so different, how can I support my parents and get them to consider the person I’m in love with? Give me a tip.

Dear Anon,

First of all, breathe. You carry a lot at once — conflicting loyalties, fear shaped by a past betrayal, pressure of decisions that feel time-bound, your parents’ wishes, the current reality that leads to confusion and heartbreak.

I sense a clarity that you strongly believe – you do not want to marry your cousin. This clarity matters, even when everything seems messy, knowing what is non-negotiable is fundamental.

While I can’t tell you what to do, we can explore things for you to consider.

Separate urgency from pressure

Your parents pushing you to marry your cousin is all about their schedules and sense of security. Decisions made under pressure often lead to resentment later. You are allowed to say, “I’m not ready right now or I don’t want to decide now.”

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Prepare before you convince

Before introducing the person you love, it would be beneficial to demonstrate that marrying your cousin is not an option. Do it without bringing the other person in. This will help your parents listen to your autonomy, rather than reacting defensively to comparisons or cultural fears.

Create your own inner clarity

Are cultural differences and being younger okay with you? This will help you separate your beliefs from your parents’ beliefs.

Face your parents’ fears

When you talk about the person you love, frame it in a way that your parents can digest emotionally. Acknowledge their concerns after your previous betrayal, share what’s different this time, be honest about the gap in life stages, but also explain how you’re thinking about it realistically rather than impulsively.

Time matters

Have this discussion when emotions are being regulated, not during conflict, pressure or comparison with other proposals. A calm conversation is better than many emotional ones.

Honor your truth

You are not choosing between your parents and your partner, you are choosing to honor your own inner voice. You can respect your parents and choose not to abandon yourself.

Start here and see where this goes. Be kind and firm, there is no rush, no matter how urgent others may be.

My best wishes,

— Haya

Haya Malik is a psychotherapist, Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) practitioner, corporate wellbeing strategist and trainer specializing in creating organizational cultures focused on wellbeing and mental health awareness.

Send her your questions by filling out this form or email at [email protected]

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