I am struggling to discipline my young child in public arrangements. Please help!

Hello Haya,

I am a young mother of a two -year -old boy who is a very energetic child. Now my problem is that since my son started walking, he was just sitting nowhere – whether we are at home or elsewhere. While we are okay with him to be his naughty and energetic self at home, because this is part of his phase, but it is really difficult for us to manage him when we go out for dinner or visit relatives or friends.

We recently went to my husband’s aunt’s house for a meeting and just wouldn’t sit in one place and almost broke something. As a mother, I try to discipline my son, but she’s a little kid at the end of the day. My husband’s aunt was obviously furious and even once said to my son. This made it really feel embarrassed, but also slightly angry because how people can expect a young child to be completely obedient.

This appearance has really left me embarrassed, but I also believe that people should be a little understanding. I just didn’t know how to react right now. But I really want to understand how to manage such situations in the future. I do not want to be known as a mother who cannot discipline her child or someone who cannot stand for her child. Please help!

– a racing mother

Dear mother who is struggling,

Thank you for sharing a very analogue question. I am sure that many mothers can be related to it.

First of all, I want to recognize something that often goes invisible – you’re trying. You appear, reflect and are clearly a beloved and thoughtful parent.

When it comes to your question, I hear that your son’s behavior outside your home lets you feel embarrassed and overwhelmed, especially during visits to friends, family or when you are out for dinner. As you mentioned, he is a young child, full of energy and curiosity, for which his behavior is quite normal at this stage.

But I also hear that it is not just about his behavior – is the pressure of how you are perceived while you are a parent in the public. Trying to achieve this balance between “stable discipline” and “hot defense” can be overwhelming, especially when you watch your eyes, the judgments they form, and the cultural expectations of a quiet (or not-so-quietly) by pressing.

There are some ways to handle this situation, let you explore and get what suits you best:

1. Manage your expectations

Children of two years are wired for movement, curiosity and push. They still do not have the neurological ability to “still sit” for a long time or to understand social expectations as adults do. What Defiance is often just a mismatch between the developmental stage of a child and the adult environment specifically placed in unknown environments. You would have to wait to behave in a way that would be every two years.

2. Prepare before hand

• Before going for social excursions, take well -known games, activities to keep him dedicated. Prepare him before hand, for example, saying (we go to Aunty’s house. Even toddlers benefit from soft, age -appropriate reminders.
• If you feel that the event is not kids friendly, then sometimes either you or your husband could go or you can watch soon or you could ask someone to babysit for you.

3. Set the boundaries gently during the visit

• If your child is particularly active, try to guide them calmly. For example, “let’s sit together for a while” or “Let’s go see this corner of the room”
• If they are going to break something, they redirect without passing: “Oh, that’s not to play. Let’s find your game.”
• Give guests a head up and let them know that they are extremely anxious and active and are not yet sitting at this stage – in this way you have managed expectations in advance.

4. Stand for your child

If someone says something to your son and you don’t like it, you can respect a limit with respect. Stay calm but protective. For example: “He’s terribly two of him and he’s super worried, like all children of his age and still learns. We work on it, I’ll handle it, thank you.” Or if you freeze the moment you can follow later and say, “Hi, thank you for finishing us. I know that (xyz) can be naughty and may be overwhelming for everyone, we are already working to discipline him as he grows up.

5. Choose where you would like to go

If you feel uncomfortable going out at this stage, you can respect the places you feel there is a lack of understanding for his behavior and choose to go to the places where you feel easier and comfortable.

6. You do not fail to discipline

It may be really easy to be difficult for yourself, but remember that you are in reality. You don’t upload a robot – you upload a person. A strange, emotionally growing little boy who will benefit much more than the guidance of your patients than for forced obedience. You do not fail with sense of embarrassment – it is a natural human answer.

Last but not least, remember, there is nothing like a perfect parent.

Give yourself some credit and compassion – do the best you can. Parental responsibility is an act of balancing between support for your child and respecting the space of others. What really matters is not perfection, but the intention – and you have a great heart and awareness of the desire to learn from it.

Good luck and best wishes,

– Haya

Haya Malik is a psychotherapist, neuro-linguistic planning practitioner (NLP), a corporate well-being strategy and a trainer with know-how on the creation of organizational cultures that focus on prosperity and awareness of mental health.

Send her your questions to [email protected]

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