I am planning to move abroad but I need financial help from my parents. How can I start the conversation about money?

Hi Haya,

I am planning to move abroad but at the moment I have no money. I am making the decision to move abroad because I have found a job, but the cost of moving to a new country and finding a house makes me nervous, as I only have a certain amount to live on for a few days, while the salary from the new job will be credited only after one month from the start of the job, which will not be enough at the end of the day.

It’s a weird situation for me where I’ve got a job and I’m desperate to get out of the country, but the worry about finances has been too overwhelming. Although I can deal with this situation if I ask my parents for help, I am too nervous to do so. My father can easily provide some money, but I don’t know how to muster up the courage to ask him to lend me some money. He always insisted that I, as his son, be completely independent and solve things on my own.

My parents are hard to convince when it comes to money and most of the fights in our house happen over finances. Please advise how can I start the discussion about money with my father so that we don’t end up getting into heated arguments?

— An anxious adult

Dear Stressed Adult,

First of all, congratulations on securing a job abroad! This is a major milestone, and it’s natural to feel overwhelmed when faced with such a big move, especially with financial worries weighing on you.

I see your situation in two ways.

1. Trying to figure everything out on your own and drowning in worry, stress and overwhelm.

2. Seek support from your father.

I see that both options are difficult, with the second one requiring more courage. You want to ask your father for support and talk to him about it, but you struggle with how to talk. Let’s get right into it.

The conversation you have with your father should be structured, transparent and with a clear plan.

Here’s how you could approach it:

First and foremost, choose a time when your father is likely to be relaxed and open to conversation.

Start the conversation with empathy and openness by letting your father know as you move into the next stage of your life, how much you appreciate the independence he has fostered and the principles he has instilled in you, and how much he has made you the person you are today. This will help set a tone of respect and help reduce defensiveness.

Next, explain your current circumstances, emphasizing that you’ve managed to take care of most things, but you’re running into a financial shortfall (you can share in which area you’re running short). Share that this gap exists because you won’t get your first month’s salary until after you complete your first month of work.

Let him know that you need his financial support first and if he could lend you a certain amount of money that you would pay him back in a certain period of time. Present it as a temporary support, not a dependency. Let him know that this will give you the foundation to settle down, stay on track, and be self-reliant. Let him know when you will pay him back.

As you close the conversation and wait for his response, be open to suggestions or compromises. Instead of framing it as a demand, make it a collective conversation. This could make your father feel more involved and less pressured. For example: “I’d love to hear your thoughts on this and how we can figure it out.”

Have a backup plan ready — If your father expresses concerns, be prepared with alternatives. Mention that you are trying to find other options, such as getting a small loan from a bank or seeking support from a friend, and see how you can cut back further. This shows that you do not rely solely on him, but seek his support because you value his help and trust.

As you close the conversation, reinforce the bigger picture – where this is an investment in his future and his support would really mean the world to you, and his past support got you where you are today (if any) and thank him for this in the way that feels best to you.

Finally, remember to stay calm and composed. If he initially reacts negatively, give him time to process. His resistance may stem from his own concerns rather than a lack of faith in you.

I want you to know that you are taking bold steps that require a lot of courage, and this will be something that will help you further unleash your potential. Good luck!

— Haya

Haya Malik is a psychotherapist, Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) practitioner, corporate wellbeing strategist and trainer specializing in creating organizational cultures focused on wellbeing and mental health awareness.

Send her your questions [email protected]

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