Am I selfish for putting my life goals ahead of my parents’ happiness?

Dear Haya,

How can I effectively fulfill my desire to support and improve my parents’ lives while keeping my personal goals and well-being intact. Sometimes, I feel really overwhelmed and guilty as I try to push myself to work and earn more.

As much as I would like to make my parents happy, it is also my desire to achieve certain goals in life and work towards their fulfillment. But it is often difficult to strike a balance between the two.

Does putting my goals before my parents’ happiness make me selfish?

— An anxious daughter

Dear Concerned Daughter,

It’s perfectly okay to want to support your parents and pursue your own goals and well-being. I understand how balancing these responsibilities can be overwhelming and lead to feelings of guilt.

Let’s explore this in detail.

When you say you want to improve your parents’ lives, in what way do you specifically mean that? Make it clear exactly how you want to do this.

When you say you would like to make them happy, I would encourage you to ask yourself what would make them happy. Sometimes, the way we want to give happiness to others is different from the way they would like to receive it.

While you want to pursue your personal goals and improve your parents’ lives, what makes you feel like you have to choose? It can be an ‘and’ not an ‘or’. The only limits we set are within our own minds.

What about pursuing your goals makes you selfish? The one that makes you feel like your parents won’t be happy to see you achieve your goals. I would encourage you to explore it.

Communicate with your parents about how you are feeling. Discuss your needs with them, understand theirs, manage expectations and create a solid plan for how you can achieve both.

Remember, it’s important to remember that prioritizing your personal goals and well-being doesn’t make you selfish. In fact, taking care of yourself is essential to being able to effectively support others.

Your desire to support and improve your parents’ lives while also striving to achieve your own goals is an admirable ambition. Additionally, practicing self-compassion and understanding that it’s okay to prioritize your needs is vital. By maintaining this balance, you can work towards your ambitions without compromising your mental health and personal fulfillment, ultimately allowing you to provide more meaningful support to your parents.

Haya

Haya Malik is a psychotherapist, Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) practitioner, corporate wellbeing strategist and trainer specializing in creating organizational cultures focused on wellbeing and mental health awareness.

Send her your questions [email protected]

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