(This work is a piece of satire. Satire is the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people’s stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues.)
KABUL/NEW DELHI: Indian anchor Arnab Goswami has been declared as the world’s best investigative journalist after discovering a secret floor in the Kabul Serena Hotel which appears to have only two floors on top of the ground floor to the naked eye.
“I’m a special journalist because I can see what other’s can’t. Everyone is saying that Kabul Serena goes up to 2 floors but they don’t know what I know, they don’t have my sources,” an elated Goswami told The Pakistan Daily shortly after winning the bestest of the best investigative journo award.
According to Goswami, there is a fifth floor of the Serena Hotel in Kabul but it has been hidden due to advanced technology and lighting by the Pakistani establishment.
“Has anyone ever touched the space exactly 140 feet above the second floor?” Goswami asked triumphantly. “The fifth floor is located exactly 140 feet above the second floor but I agree that there are no third or fourth floors, a special helicopter which is also invisible drops Pakistani army officers to the fifth floor,” the anchor said.
Arnab Goswami claimed that the Pakistani officers including ISI operatives in Kabul Serena’s fifth floor ate beef steaks for dinner. “I know this because my sources export beef to Kabul’s Serena and we know that 14 beef steaks weighing 250 grams each were devoured by the Pakistanis.”
Many Pakistani journalists criticised Arnab Goswami for spreading fake news but Goswami shot back, saying: “I don’t even spread butter on my toast and now these bloody Pakistanis are claiming I spread fake news. Unbelievable, one can expect all kinds of things from the Pakistanis.”
Goswami claimed that he loved to play video games and that his favourite game showed Pakistani airstrikes in Panjshir.
“If the Pakistanis didn’t attack Panjshir why don’t they sue Playstation or Xbox, why are they coming after me? I’m just reporting what I’m seeing. Does it matter if the evidence comes from a video game? No sir, these mental gymnastics will not work for me,” Goswami said.
“You should feel lucky that I’m speaking to you since after this drama I have decided that I will never have any Pakistani on my show ever again. They ruin all the fun with their non sense and I can’t have that on my network,” Goswami told The Pakistan Daily, signalling that he did not wish to answer any further questions.