Marriage in modern Pakistan — between tradition, tension and trust

Marriage remains one of Pakistan’s most enduring social institutions, yet new findings from a series of Gallup & Gilani Pakistan surveys paint a complex picture of evolving attitudes toward marital justice, responsibility and choice.

The latest figures reveal that the vast majority of married Pakistanis remain skeptical about the fairness of a second marriage. Seventy-two percent believe that it is either not possible or very difficult for a man to treat both wives fairly, while only 26% express optimism.

This skepticism is much more pronounced among women, where the figure rises to 84%, highlighting persistent gendered concerns around equality in polygamous unions.

The survey, part of Gallup’s ongoing study on “Marriage and Family Harmony in Pakistan,” shows that concerns about fairness in marital arrangements reflect deep-seated cultural and emotional insecurities.

While only 2% of respondents refrained from giving an opinion, the vast majority leaned toward doubt, indicating limited faith in a man’s ability to maintain impartiality between two spouses.

Another survey in the same series offers insight into how couples perceive conflict within marriage. Almost six in ten married Pakistanis — 59% ç believe that both husband and wife are equally responsible for quarrels between spouses.

Only 12% held the husband primarily responsible and 6% blamed the wife. The remaining respondents either did not know or refused to answer.

This finding indicates a generally pragmatic perspective within households, where most Pakistanis recognize marital strife as a shared outcome rather than a one-sided fault.

It also suggests a gradual move towards more balanced conceptions of domestic relations, even as traditional hierarchies continue to shape expectations within the home.

Gallup’s broader survey also explores how marriages themselves are created. A survey conducted last year found that four out of five married Pakistanis — 81 percent — had an arranged marriage.

Only 18% said their union was a love marriage and a negligible 1% gave no answer. The figures show that men were slightly more likely than women to choose their partners independently, while younger adults under 30 reported the highest rate of love marriages at 21%.

Interestingly, the urban-rural gap appears minimal, with urban dwellers only 1% more likely to have a love marriage than those in rural areas. This suggests that despite urbanization and changing lifestyles, traditional matching through families remains overwhelmingly dominant in Pakistani society.

Taken together, the three surveys depict a society rooted in convention but aware of its contradictions. Marriage is still seen as a shared duty rather than an individual pursuit, yet justice and equality within this union remain contested ideals.

As Pakistan’s social fabric evolves, the delicate balance between customs, gender expectations and contemporary aspirations remains at the heart of its marriage story.