“Despite all my efforts to nurture the relationship, our connection is unbalanced,” says an emotionally troubled girl
I need some help and guidance on a relationship issue. Over the past two years, I have invested significant time, love, attention, respect and care into a man. But the problem is that I don’t feel that I am treated the same way by my partner. He says he loves me, but I don’t see it in his actions.
Despite my best efforts to nurture the relationship, our connection is unbalanced. He appreciates me, but something is missing. He neither fully commits to the relationship nor gives me the space to move on. It causes me emotional distress, but I find it hard to back down because I care about him so much.
Torn between my feelings for him and the realization that the current situation is also emotionally distressing, I find it difficult to step back because of my deep emotional involvement with him.
I turn to you for advice on how to deal with such a partner. I would appreciate any guidance you could give me to help me understand what is going on and what the future of this relationship could be. Will my partner ever fully commit to me?
— A distressed girl
Dear Troubled Girl,
I deeply appreciate your willingness to share your concerns about your relationship, and it’s obvious that you’ve invested significant time and emotional energy into it. Let’s approach this situation through a therapeutic lens, and there are some key points from your narrative that point to further exploration and self-reflection.
You have expressed a disconnect between your partner’s verbal expressions of love and their actions.
First, it’s important to identify your needs in this relationship, it’s important to assess how the current dynamic aligns with your emotional well-being.
Identifying our own needs allows us to become clearer about what we want and where we are right now.
Consider the emotional impact when his words don’t line up with his actions. Consider what this misalignment reveals about the relationship and what unmet needs there may be for you. Our actions are meant to mirror our words and our behavior reflects our perceptions and attitudes towards certain situations.
I would further encourage you to engage in open communication with your partner. Share your feelings, concerns and observations about the state of the relationship and express your expectations. Setting expectations is crucial to get both parties on the same page.
When emotions are invested, we like someone and have invested so much time in them, there is a natural fear of losing the connection, that we can let our boundaries slip and slide. It’s important to recognize the signs early and respond in a way that sets the tone for the treatment you’re willing to accept. Setting boundaries starts with self-reflection and determining what you feel comfortable with.
We willingly stay in situations that may go nowhere for months or even years. all in the name of connection – holding onto the hope of how great things could be.
However, take the space to create boundaries for yourself now. Boundaries start with you and what you tell yourself. You have to ask yourself what you are okay with. What is acceptable to you what is not acceptable to you?
Decide within yourself how long you are willing to play while you wait for this behavior to improve after communicating with him and setting your boundaries.
When navigating complex relationships, we need to distinguish how we feel about someone from how they make us feel.
The reality of a full life is found in the peace experienced around one, rather than the anxiety of anticipating one’s presence.
The main areas of focus seem to be assessing and identifying your needs, communicating expectations, and setting boundaries.
The reality is that we cannot predict or control another person’s behavior. We are only really in control of ourselves. The future of any relationship depends on the willingness of both partners to face issues, communicate effectively, and work toward a balanced and fulfilling connection.
Ask yourself what’s scarier: the prospect of losing the relationship or losing yourself trying to make it work.
At the end of the day, everything is hard. Staying is hard, leaving is hard. Choose your difficult one.
Relationships are a mutual journey and both people play a role in shaping their dynamics. It’s important to prioritize open communication, mutual respect for self-care, and if you feel like it’s not there after trying many times, it might be important for you to reevaluate the relationship dynamic.
Good luck and remember to take care of yourself in this process!
My best wishes,
Haya Malik is a psychotherapist, Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) practitioner, corporate wellbeing strategist and trainer specializing in creating organizational cultures focused on wellbeing and mental health awareness.
Send her your questions [email protected]
Note: The above advice and opinions are the author’s and are specific to the question. We strongly recommend our readers to consult relevant experts or professionals for personalized advice and solutions. The author and Geo.tv assume no responsibility for the consequences of actions taken based on the information provided herein. All published pieces are edited to improve grammar and clarity.
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