Amy Robach and TJ Holmes recount the feeling of suicide in the midst of a relationship scandal

In their new podcast Amy & TJ, journalists Amy Robach and TJ Holmes opened up about the emotional turmoil they experienced after their workplace romance went public last year.

Although proud of their rocky relationship, they both acknowledged their mental health struggles in the wake of the scandal.

Robach recounted an incident where she feared for Holmes’ life after receiving distressing texts from him referring to their relationship in the past tense.

“I start to panic,” she recalls. “I was so afraid he had done something.”

When Holmes didn’t respond to her check-ins, Robach panicked and had her father accompany her to his apartment.

There, he found Holmes incoherent in his bed. This terrifying experience revealed how deeply vulnerable they both felt during intense public scrutiny.

“I remember walking down the hall and opening the door and my dad came in with me. And I saw you and you just fell on your bed,” Robach continued. “I ran up to you. I said, ‘TJ!’ And you didn’t move. And I remember, it was the most awful thing, having to touch your body to see if you were warm. I was so scared. You were just incoherent.”

Speaking poignantly about his desire to die amid harsh headlines, Robach shed light on the private depths of despair. She shared that last year was even more difficult than her battle with cancer.

“You have cancer and, yes, you’re afraid of dying, but you’re fighting to live,” he recalls.

“And you have all these people around you, supporting you and cheering you on, and you feel this collective hug of people lifting you up when you’re scared and going through all these treatments. But this year, I wanted to die. There were days I wanted to die and that was something I had never experienced before in my life. I just didn’t want to get up. I didn’t want to see who the new title was I’ll be out there.”